you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
