I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
