She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
why is half of my head shaved?
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