I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
