Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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