How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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