You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
