Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
