I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
