Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
