Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry about my life...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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