No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help