Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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