My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
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I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.