I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
