i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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