Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
