So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
