I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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