Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
