The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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