Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
