I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
