You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
