the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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