when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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