Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
