Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
