Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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