someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i think i just lost a toe
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