Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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