i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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