does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
