I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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