FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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