my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
