my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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