I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
