I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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