There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize