shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
