maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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