ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
