Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
