His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well I just put wine in my tea
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
