I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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