I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
