my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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