I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
