am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
