1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
