Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
