Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
