How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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