i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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