I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
