i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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