I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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