What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
