I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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