Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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