Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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