i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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