Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
